Tough Times

The breakup hit me hard...real hard. It was like 'adding insult to injury'. Daniel chose the absolute wrong time to breakup with me, or did he?

A few months before the breakup I failed out of physical therapy school. I got into the doctor of physical therapy program right after I graduated from college. I was excited initially, I was so sure that I wanted to be a physical therapist at the time. And to top it off after completion of the program, I would have the title "Dr.".....yiippeee!

Well the excitement didn't last long. The program was a three year program, and it was very rigorous. There were strict requirements to remain in the program, for example you could not get a B in more than two courses throughout the duration of the program. I was always an average "B" student, so that was a big deal for me. 

After a year of struggling with the program, I was told to withdraw. I got my first 'B' during my first semester, so I was already on pins and needles. By the second semester I encountered one of the more difficult courses and didn't do well. To top it off, some the professors weren't very encouraging. 

When I was asked to withdraw, It was bitter sweet. It was bitter because I felt like a failure, it was sweet became deep down within I knew that physical therapy was not for me. I was not happy but I thought I could wing it. I later learned that true fulfillment could not be winged. 

This became apparent to me one day during a clinical rotation at a physical therapy clinic, which was a requirement for the physical therapy program. Each day that I went there, I was extremely bored. However one day, a teenager boy came in for treatment and we instantly connected. I found great joy in helping him recover from his foot injury. I was instantly reminded of my passion for the youth and that made me happy.

Even though I was asked to withdraw for school without the possibility of coming back, I still had to take the final exams and submit papers. Imagine the torture of stay up all night while knowing that the door had been closed before you. Nonetheless, I was determined to finish strong. Thankfully there was a friend that I made during my time in the program whom was in the same shoes, we derived strength from one another. At the end of it all, I said my goodbyes without looking back, chapter closed!

After failing out of school, I was extremely confused about what to do next. After some thought, I decided to start looking for a job until I figured things out. I applied to so many places without getting a response, I was distraught and loosing hope by the day. Thankfully I was able to get a few temporary positions through a temp agency but I needed something more stable. It got to a point where I could no longer afford to pay my bills, so I had to move out of my apartment to somewhere more affordable.

It seemed like things were going from bad to worse. It was one of the most trying times of my life. And in the midst of all this, Daniel left me...hmm. I felt so alone, those that I considered to be my good friends suddenly disappeared, I'd see them and they'd act as if I was nonexistent. People started looking down on me because I was now "single" I even had a friend say "I know it was your fault, because he's a good God-fearing man and you know they're hard to find these days." 

For a longtime I did blame myself...I blamed my low self esteem, body image issues, introverted nature, etc. "If only I was prettier...if only I was slimmer...if only I was more out going...maybe he wouldn't have left me", these thoughts took up most of my days.

Thankfully God sent me some remarkable people to help me cope during this time. Great friends that are family now! They were always there to listen, they never judged me. I never felt so loved. I've always prayed for God to send me great friends and in the midst of my drama, he answered me and blessed me with destiny helpers. I sincerely don't know how I wouldn't have made it through without the grace of God and my lovely friends (they know who they are).

One of the father figures that I had at that time told me something very important that helped me, he told me to always keep a smile on my face especially when Daniel was around, so that he would know that I could be happy without him. Most times I was faking it, I'd cry myself to sleep the night before, wake up feeling dejected, cry on my way to church, because I'd know I'd see him (at least twice a week), and then I'd arrive at church faking a smile through out service, and then burst into tears once I got into my car and the cycle continued all over again.

However, one day the smile became REAL! It was a result of the joy of the Lord bursting from within me...I couldn't keep it to myself.

Stay tuned for the reason behind this joy...

You're blessed!

- Bunmi

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