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Hello Everybody!!!
It's been too long, I know
*covers eyes*. To all my faithful readers, I am sure that you are tired of the
constant apologies for the intermittent breaks. The last couple of months have
been extremely busy for me; and things have yet to slow down. I AM SORRY!
I will try to post more
frequently...so help me God!
*******
So where were we? ....Oh
yes...the C-SECTION
******
As I was being wheeled into the
operation room, feelings of jealousy hit me as I heard the cries of babies in
nearby delivery rooms; some of their mom's arrived after I did, yet they
delivered before I did and they didn't have need a C-section like I did.
I felt like a failure; maybe my
faith wasn't strong enough?!?! Maybe I didn't pray hard enough?!?! …But I
prayed and made confessions about a NATURAL birth not a C-SECTION! What went
wrong???
*******
In no time, the doors to the
operating room flung opened; I was caught off guard by how cold it was! It felt
like I was in a freezer! That was enough to get me to refocus; after all, I was
about to have a baby! The doctor with the "tiny
fingers" was mute and she wore a stern look on her face. No words of
encouragement; no compassion...she was just blank. Thankfully the anesthesiologist
was the total opposite, with him and my sister cheering me on, I was okay. The
procedure was pretty quick. I had no idea of what was going on down there
because my view was block by a piece of cloth. Throughout the process, I was
grateful to not feel any pain; because I've heard of some traumatic
experiences.
In no time, I heard her first
cry as the room was filled shouts of ‘congratulations’. They
showed her to me briefly as they had to run some quick tests and take her to
the NICU; because they feared that I had an "infection" and they
wanted to place her on antibiotics. As I held her briefly, all the feelings of
anger, jealousy and disappointment drifted away. Her eyes was so beautiful, I
was captivated by her. I couldn't believe that I was her mother. To top it off,
she looked absolutely nothing like me; her complexion was significantly lighter
than mine, she had chinky eyes and she had fine textured hair. The look on her
face seemed to read "Are you happy now?" It seemed
like she wasn't ready to come out of her comfort zone (my womb) just yet.
They quickly took her from me
and proceeded to stitch me up as my sister followed my new baby girl. I
suddenly felt extremely sleepy; it was a struggle to keep my eyes open. The anesthesiologist
kept patting me gently on my shoulder, he kept telling me not to fall asleep.
While this was going on, my mom met her first grandchild in the delivery room;
she was so overwhelmed with joy that tears began to fall from her eyes. My daughter
smiled at her....I saw the proof in the pictures that my sister took.
ALL GLORY TO
GOD!!!
*****
Recovery for me wasn't fun; it
felt like it was never ending. After delivery, I was extremely tired and weak.
I slept on and off for the rest of the day; I was too weak to get out of bed.
Even when visitors came, I was barely responsive. I was told that I could not
eat anything until I had a bowel movement; well that didn't happen during day
1. I was also unable to see my baby because I was too weak to go and see her in
the NICU. I wasn't happy about not being able to do skin-to-skin or breast feed
her; she was given formula, and that was not a part of the plan.
I was finally able to have a
bowel movement the next day. I also made up my mind to get up and walk. Boy oh
boy! It was so painful! I couldn't even stand up straight. And I had to walk
around with an IV stand, it was so inconvenient, but it also assisted me with
walking. It was annoying to see the mothers that gave birth naturally; they
walked around freely and their tummies seemed to have disappeared, while i looked
like I was 6 months pregnant. I walked straight to the NICU to see my baby. I
was crushed to see her around very sick babies; I knew that she was just fine!
She looked absolutely beautiful and peaceful; all the nurses were saying how
great she was doing and how she was eating very well. I was so happy to
hear that. I proceeded to hold her; I stared at her in amazement. At that
moment, all was right in the world. She was worth it; the time spent in labor,
the pain, the C-section, etc. didn't matter any longer.
I was then encouraged to breast
feed her. I initially thought that it would be a walk in the park...however it
was more like a walk in an obstacle course. I could not get her to latch on. I
tried and tried and it just didn't work. It went on to be a battle even after I
was discharged from the hospital; we tried everything from nipple shields, to
different techniques until I eventually gave up. My breast pump and I became
the best of friends for the next year; we communicated every three hours. After
weeks of trying, I was finally able to sustain a milk supply that was good
enough to feed her exclusively; she didn't like formula too much...it gave her
lots of gas.
****
So back to the hospital, after
my initial attempt to breastfeed my daughter failed, I just held her and fed
her formula instead. It was a beautiful moment; I stared at her in amazement
for most of the time. After my visit with her, I proceeded to make my long trip
to my room; the pain was intense! I finally made it back and was famished. I
requested for a lunch menu only for the nurse to tell me that I had been placed
on a liquid diet; because my blood pressure was fluctuating between being too
high and being normal. I literally felt like crying and screaming at the top of
my lungs. After coming back to myself, I ordered chicken broth and juice
(*rolls eyes*).
My blood pressure kept fluctuating
and the doctors wanted to monitor me closely plus my daughter was still in the
NICU. So my discharge date was up in the air. I kept praying that everything
will normalize so that I could get out of the hospital ASAP. I had the most
amazing nurse, she would give me extra supplies: diapers, formula, female
items, etc. One day she came to check on me and noticed that I didn't look too
happy, she asked if I had eaten and I told her that I was still on a liquid
diet. She was the one that advocated for me to be put on a regular diet, and
the doctor agreed. She was God-sent!
I was admitted into the hospital
on a Tuesday morning, technically after a C-section I should be free to go home
three days after delivery. The doctor was reluctant to discharge me even after
my daughter was discharged from the NICU (Friday). I was ready to GO!!! I didn't
enjoy my time at the hospital, the constant checking of my blood pressure and
giving of medications made it hard for me to rest. And when my daughter was
placed in my room, I caught a glimpse of mother...feeding every 2 hours,
frequent diaper changes, etc. I WANTED MY MOMMY!!!
The doctor finally discharged
me on Saturday evening; with instructions to monitor my blood pressure
regularly and to return to the hospital in a couple of weeks. FREE AT LAST!!!
Or so I thought....
With lots of love,
- Bunmi Adebiyi
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