See The Invisible

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18 KJV)

The bible tells us to live by faith, and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Living by faith is living according to what the Word of God says and by the leading of the Holy Spirit. Living by sight is living according to your feelings (your five physical senses) and allowing circumstances and situations to control you. We need to learn how to live from the higher realm, where things are enforced. The spiritual realm controls the natural realm. What we see is subject to change, we can control what we want to see by faith. 

For example, you may be feeling really sick and a doctor might even give you a terrible diagnosis. But you don't have to be sick, it is not God's Will for you. Isaiah 53:4-5 says, 4 Surely our sicknesses he hath borne, And our pains -- he hath carried them, And we -- we have esteemed him plagued, Smitten of God, and afflicted. 5 And he is pierced for our transgressions, Bruised for our iniquities, The chastisement of our peace [is] on him, And by his bruise there is healing to us. Jesus took our sicknesses and carried our pains, we don't have to take sickness or pain! Many people are quick a pill to relieve their symptoms and pain. However, God has given us something that can erradict it forever. It is the Word of God! Believe it, recieve it, confess it and act on it!

So don't bother looking at what can be seen, don't waste one minute considering it! There's no point, it's all temporary! Instead look at what can not be seen with the physical eyes, that's the real deal. It's a reality that oozes from the core of your being as a believer, it is an unshakable and undeniable truth. Once you catch a revelation, walk with it and in it. That's how the new man in Christ was designed to live, by Faith not by what you can see, touch, feel, smell and taste. There's a sixth sense called faith and it has the power to override and influence the five physical senses.

Faith comes by the hearing of God's Word (Romans 10:17). As you study God's Word, deep things which are needed for success and prosperity are revealed (Daniel 2:22; 1 Corinthians 2:10). What is revealed belongs to us, it's our property, our gateway to abundant prosperity (Deu. 29:29). So stop looking at displeasing circumstances and situations, don't let them control you. Instead control your life experiences by revelation, be your own prophet. Declare what is revealed to you by God over your life and you will be established (Job 22:28).

Confession: In the name of the Lord Jesus, I declare that I live by faith. I declare that I am not controlled by my emotions or my feelings. I take control of my life with the Word of God as my tool. Amen 

Prayer starter: Heavenly father, I ask for the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of you. And that the eyes of my understanding are enlightened. So that I will know the hope of your calling and live in a way that always honors and pleases you. Amen

You're blessed!

- Bunmi

Wait before you go:

1. If you have not received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, life won't make any sense, it will be cold and empty. You deserve more! Take a few minutes and click on the 'Come to Jesus' tab at the top of the page and be saved!

2. Please leave a comment below, I'd love to hear from you!

3. You can subscribe to this blog and receive email updates once a new post is published by entering your email address in the 'Follow by email' section located on the right of this post.

4. You can share this post or previous posts by clicking on the respective social media icon on the right.

5. Follow me on twitter @BunmiAdebiyi_

6. Like my page on facebook: Bunmi Adebiyi

7. Follow me on Instagram: destinationdestiny_mlmt

So Much So Fast

Hello Everyone! I hope you had a great weekend and I pray that you'll have an amazing week ahead!

Thanks for stopping by the blog today! I continue my personal testimony today. Please view previous posts if you haven't done so already. Just click on the "Destiny Steps" tab.

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After those series of events, things began to happen so fast. As my reason for being in Nigeria became clearer, it became more obvious that I had to end things with Raymond. My family and friends were no longer in support of the relationship as well.

My mom visited Nigeria in September; he saw her for a few minutes and left because we had gotten into an argument prior. Afterwards, he ignored mine and my mom's calls throughout the time she was there. My uncle asked him to come and see him several times and he never did. My dad complained about him never calling, he was unbothered. For the most part my friends never liked him. What was I waiting for?

As I took time to ponder upon all of the above and much more, I mustered up the courage and called it quits over phone one evening in November. I don't remember my exact words but I let him know that "we" we're not working. He sounded shocked; I guess I caught him off guard. He didn't say much as we said our goodbyes. 

I usually didn't do well after breakups, so I dreaded the aftermath. I reluctantly hung up the phone to face the music. Surprisingly, I actually liked the music that I was facing this time around. I felt at peace, it was such a weird feeling for me. I tried to be sad, I tried to cry but I couldn't! I just knew that I made the right decision.

I informed Pastor Tee shortly afterwards and he sighed for relief. I told Karen also and she was happy, she couldn't hide it. I felt neutral, I wasn't jumping for joy but I was good. I informed all my family and friends and they all consoled me, I'm sure that they were doing cartwheels. Prior to the breakup, being alone again frightened me. But I decided to enjoy the time alone and focus on what God sent me to Nigeria for. I was ultimately done with relationships, I couldn't be bothered thinking about another anytime soon.

Shortly after the breakup, while at church for a Corper's fellowship (which I and Karen started) meeting, someone came to ask for me. A young lady with a beautiful smile told me that the senior pastors were looking for me. At first, I was afraid and secretly prayed that nothing bad happened to my family.

As we walked to the church office which was about 5 minutes away, the young lady shielded me from the scorching sun with her umbrella. I felt special! As I walked into the office, I saw a lot of people waiting. I was told to walk right in...I took one step at a time, while I wondered what was going on.

By time I got to the office, I saw them both seated and smiling at me from ear to ear. We exchanged greetings and they proceeded to tell me that the Lord told them some things about me. I sat there thinking "What is going on??? Why is God singling me out like this?” They asked about my family, childhood, background, etc. They also told me so many things, I sat there overwhelmed. They told me that I was a ministry gift (that I've been called into the ministry). Now that shocked me! I always knew that I'd be actively involved in church but never at that level. At most, I thought that I'd be a deacon...If I only knew...haha. They also told me that God wanted to use me to take the ministry outside of the country. They asked if I was engaged and this time around, I said no! I explained the reason for the breakup and they told me to not to be bothered and focus on other things.

Before I left their office, they prayed for me and one word to describe it is: EXPLOSIVE! As the prayed for me, it was like an outer body experience. All I know is that I walked out of their office a changed woman!

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One of the things that they told me was that I had to finish foundation school so that I could become a steward (church volunteer) and join their mentoring platforms. I finally took it more seriously and aimed to finish up ASAP.

One evening while at foundation school, a young man just came out of nowhere and sat with my group. He began to ask tons of questions by starting with me. I was annoyed, first of all who was he? Second of all, I hated to be called out! His question to me was "How do you study the bible?" I don't remember my response but it wasn't the answer that he was looking for. For the rest of the session, I felt bad. I was embarrassed, I hated being wrong.

After foundation school was over, he introduced himself to me. He said that his name was Pastor Tunde Adebiyi, I said hello and kept it short. I dreaded the bus ride back home and I was hungry. Surprisingly, he offered to take me and some other people home. Throughout the ride home, he kept talking and asking questions. I gave short answers as I looked out the window, ever ready to get home. As soon as he got to the front of my apartment complex, I practically ran out after saying a quick thank you and goodnight.

This same pastor came around during my next class also. This time around he didn't come to my group or ask me a question. But he made small talk after foundation school. Before he could offer to take me home, I ran off to the bus stop. 

I didn't realize it then but shortly after, I realized that this was the man that God said was my husband a few weeks ago. I still wasn't convinced, it was all mistake. There was no way that he'd want to marry me. He looked like a goody-too-shoes and I had an ugly past. Yea, I was definitely mistaken!

To be continued....

You're blessed!


- Bunmi


Wait before you go:



1. If you have not received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, life won't make any sense, it will be cold and empty. You deserve more! Take a few minutes and click on the 'Come to Jesus' tab at the top of the page and be saved!


2. Please leave a comment below, I'd love to hear from you!


3. You can subscribe to this blog and receive email updates once a new post is published by entering your email address in the 'Follow by email' section located on the right of this post.

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The Spiritual Gymnasium

“My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.” Proverbs 4:20-22 KJV

Getting the Word of God into your spirit is a full body exercise. The above scripture tells us to attend or give attention to the Word, doing so involves the corporation one's mind. It also says to incline our ears to the Word, which involves listening to the Word. It tells us not to let it depart from our eyes, which involves reading and studying the Word of God. Lastly it tells us to keep the Word in the midst of our heart, becoming one with it - making it our constant mediation; this how to get it into your spirit, where it counts!

1 Timothy 4:8 GNT says, “Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is valuable in every way, because it promises life both for the present and for the future.” This scripture tells us that physical exercise has some value but spiritual exercise is much more valuable. Yes, taking care of your bodies is significant, but exercising or training your spirit man is more beneficial. Physical exercise is limited to physical benefits; however spiritual exercise has spiritual, emotional, physical, emotional, financial, and material benefits etc; the benefits are unlimited and inexhaustible (Hebrews 4:12; Psalm 107:20).

Our spirit man is the real you! Man is three parts: spirit, soul, and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23; Matthew 10:28; James 2:26). Your spirit (some times referred to as the heart) is the essence of life (without it there is no life), your soul consists of your will, emotions and intellect, while your body houses the spirit. 

Everywhere we turn now and days, especially at the start of a new year we see people rushing to the gym aiming to join the #fitfam movement. I am all about good health and fitness, it's great and necessary! But we should not do it at the expensive of our spirit man (Mark 8:36). Some people spend more time in the gym than they do in the Word of God; that is why their out of shape. Some areas of their lives are flourishing while others are dead; one minute their on fire for the Lord, the next minute their wallowing in sin. These people are sensual, they are ruled by their emotions. Don't be like them! Don't join that movement!

Your spirit needs to be built up, it needs to be strengthened and endued with power daily. The state of your spirit controls your life (Proverbs 4:23). You are in this world but you are not of it, you are from above (John17:16; John 3:31). In order for you to live the life that originates above, you must get acquainted with it and discover how it works. The primary way in which you do so is via mediation on the Word of God (Romans 12:2). The Word of God will always point you to the father (Matthew 11:27), it reveals the king of kings and the elements of the kingdom. You're a king (Revelation 1:6; 5:10), you will rule and reign by revelation you recieved from the Word of God. 

Whenever God wants to do something in the life of his children, he will send his Word (Isaiah 55:11 NLT). His Word will accomplish that very thing that he sends it to do; it will deliver on his promise. However it is the job of the recipient to open the doors of their hearts to that Word and receive it with thanksgiving. Believing that the Word that they have received is true and is their present reality, disregarding anything that seems to be opposing that Word.

The Word of God is a seed (Luke 8:11), in most cases it may not seem like what we desire or need. But it contains God's power, it is full of life and it transforms whatever it comes in contact with (John 6:63). Never despise your seed; never despise the Word of God. The Word of God has the power to mold you and change your level. The Word is a gift that keeps giving, it can never exhausted; it will meet your needs and you can always plant it when similar needs arise(2 Corinthians 9:10). 

Why settle for a loaf of bread when you can have a bakery? Many people are too busy praying to God for loaves of breads when he's willing to give much more. You were created to rule, reign, have dominion, walk in authority, be prosperous in every area of your life, you were created for ownership! Stop acting like a beggar! You are a son of the most high God, sons have access into inheritances. Stop having a servant mindset. Renew your mind to this the truth, give attention to Word, meditate on it day and night; success is guaranteed!

So get into the spiritual gymnasium and stay there! As you get stronger add more weight, keep building yourself up and you'll soar in no time!

Confession: Heavenly father, thank you for the gift of your Word. Today I make a commitment to give more attention to your Word, in Jesus' name. Amen

Prayer starter: Heavenly father, today I asked for the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of you and that my eyes of understanding will be enlightened as I take out time to study your Word today, in Jesus' name. Amen


You're blessed!


- Bunmi


Wait before you go:



1. If you have not received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, life won't make any sense, it will be cold and empty. You deserve more! Take a few minutes and click on the 'Come to Jesus' tab at the top of the page and be saved!


2. Please leave a comment below, I'd love to hear from you!


3. You can subscribe to this blog and receive email updates once a new post is published by entering your email address in the 'Follow by email' section located on the right of this post.

4. You can share this post or previous posts by clicking on the respective social media icon on the right.

5. Follow me on twitter @BunmiAdebiyi_


6. Like my page on facebook: Bunmi Adebiyi

7. Follow me on Instagram: destinationdestiny_mlmt

Blessing in Disguise

Hello Everyone! I hope you had a great week and I pray that you'll have an amazing weekend!

Thanks for stopping by the blog today! I continue my personal testimony today. Please view previous posts if you haven't done so already. Just click on the "Destiny Steps" tab.

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Enjoy!

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Even though I knew that it was time to call it quits, I took some time to draw the curtains over the relationship. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I contemplated how to let him down gently.

While this was going on, other great things were happening. As I continued the praying and fasting, God revealed a few things to me. The first thing that he told me while I was praying one day was that he sent me to Ife for training. I wasn't exactly sure of what that meant but I assumed that it was for training for spiritual growth.

I attended God's Love Tabernacle International Church (GLT) and boy was it intense. I remember one service in particular, I thought to myself "this is how church is supposed to be". My life has been transformed by this ministry in short period of time. By attending GLT, I was inspired by people who not only "talked the talk" but they "walked the walk". There was no half stepping, these people were sold out for Christ!

During the course of the month of praying and fasting, there were daily early morning prayer meetings and other special programs. One program in particular was held on a Saturday morning, at 8 am. Initially, I had no intention of going. I had a long week and I wanted to sleep in. But for some reason, I got up that day and dragged my feet to church.

I had no idea that my life was about to change forever. As praise and worship was going on and I struggled to sing along. As I struggled to focus, a young man walked passed me and suddenly caught my attention. I didn't remember ever seeing him before. As he walked passed me, God spoke to my heart and said "That's your husband." I was stunned! Where did that come from? It made absolutely no sense to me! I shoved the thought aside and figured I was hallucinating because I was half asleep,

Another time during the service, I looked over at the pastor's wife and the Lord told me, "She's attached to your destiny, follow her." I was happy about that one! I've been praying for a mentor for so long and she seemed like a nice woman. I looked forward for the opportunity to meet her one day.

The rest of the service was long but I enjoyed it. At the end, I was glad that I came. After the service, I saw Pastor Tee and Sarah standing next to each other. I walked over to say hello. And they both started talking at the same time. Sarah said, "I had a dream about you, I have to introduce to Pastor." Pastor Tee immediately said, "I wanted to introduce her to both Pastors!" Sarah asked him, "Can I please do it?" Pastor Tee said, "No!" And before I knew it, he was taking me towards the Senior Pastor. By the time we got there, the Pastor's wife was gone. But Pastor Tee was able to introduce me to the Senior Pastor briefly. He was really nice!

Afterwards, I went home and decided to relax for the rest of the day.

A few days after, Sarah said that she told the Pastor's wife about me and wanted me to meet her. That day we both went to her office and Sarah introduced me to her. She was so pleasant. I told her why I relocated to Nigeria and answered a few questions that she had. While we spoke, she told me that the Lord just told her that he sent me to Ife to train me for ministry. I was taken aback, I didn't expect to hear that.

At one point, she stopped talking and started smiling. She asked if I was engaged and I said no. She went on to say, that she sees something but she'll allow the Holy Spirit to sort it out. For some reason, I understood what she meant. I remembered what God told me about that young man being my husband a few days ago. But I still wasn't convinced so I brushed it off. She went on to tell me to join her and her husband's mentoring programs and to work closely with Sarah on some things.

I left her office that day feeling good. There was a connection that I felt with her. I knew that I was in good hands. 

While we were walking back to church Sarah asked me, "Why did you say that you weren't engaged? I wanted you to talk to her about your relationship." I had totally forgotten! At GLT, once you're in relationship you've considered to be engaged because the relationship would lead to marriage. They didn't believe in dating. I apologized and told her that I forgot. In the back of my mind, I knew that I was done with Raymond; so I thought that maybe it wasn't a mistake after all.

The prayer and fasting came to an end after one month. And I was so refreshed and rejuvenated. I was supposed to travel back to the US during that month to get the rest of my things and to attend my friend's wedding but NYSC denied my request to travel. Many people blamed me because I refused to lie. Apparently, some of the officials don't like the truth. No one wanted to approve me going to the US for a wedding. I was highly upset after waiting for the top NYSC official in my state for about three hours to get approval. Only for him to say no and ask why I didn't bring all my stuff at once. Little didn't I know that it was a blessing in disguise. I may have lost the money I spent on the ticket but I gained much more.

To be continued...


You're blessed!


- Bunmi


Wait before you go:



1. If you have not received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, life won't make any sense, it will be cold and empty. You deserve more! Take a few minutes and click on the 'Come to Jesus' tab at the top of the page and be saved!


2. Please leave a comment below, I'd love to hear from you!


3. You can subscribe to this blog and receive email updates once a new post is published by entering your email address in the 'Follow by email' section located on the right of this post.

4. You can share this post or previous posts by clicking on the respective social media icon on the right.

5. Follow me on twitter @BunmiAdebiyi_


6. Like my page on facebook: Bunmi Adebiyi


7. Follow me on Instagram: destinationdestiny_mlmt

Serving the Lord

“Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;" Romans 12:11 KJV

The above scripture encourages us to serve the Lord. The Lord Jesus Christ died for us in order for us to live for him (2 Corinthians 5:14-15). We were bought with a price (1 Corinthians 7:23). We can never repay the Lord for his sacrifice, however we owe it to him to serve him with our spirit, soul and body (Romans 12:1). We were saved to serve God (Hebrews 9:14).

You might be wondering what exactly is service? And how can you serve God?

Service is wholehearted dedication to a person or something. Service is an expression of love. Service is selfless. We serve God by loving him above all else, obeying him- loving what he loves and hating what he hates, seeking and doing his Will, and following him (John 12:26), 

While studying how to serve the Lord a few weeks ago, the Holy Spirit gave me this analogy: 

Serving the Lord can be compared to going to a restaurant and being assigned a waiter. In our father's business we are waiters/servers. There are different levels in which we serve, i.e. managers, supervisors, etc but we are all servers. When being attended to by a waiter, we expect to get exactly what we ordered for. If we order a cheeseburger with onions, cheese, bacon and lettuce. That's what we expect! If we get something different we will complain and say that the waiter is not doing a good job, which leads to bad customer service. We would not be satisfied and would most likely not leave a tip.

 The same comes with serving God. True service is serving God how he wants and when he wants. You can't give God a chicken sandwich when he asked for a chicken salad and claim that it's the same thing. Service to God is not on your terms but his. This is one of the reasons why many people feel like they're serving God but not being rewarded for it. 

God is a God of order, he is extremely detailed. He has a way of doing things. When he calls you to do something, he expects you to follow the instructions; either instructions that he reveals to you or instructions that are spelled out in the manual for abundant living (the Bible). 

Also our attitude in service to God is important. You can't drag your feet, roll your eyes and mumble under your breath and expect God to bless your service. Your motives must be pure and your heart must be right. Remember God loves a cheerful giver. If you go to a restaurant and the waiter has a bad attitude, it'll hinder you from having a good experience during your time there. His/her attitude will affect his/her service to you. A good attitude = good service.

It is a privilege to serve God. And the good news is that their are rewards for service in this life and the life to come (Hebrews 11:6; Isaiah 45:19). So when it comes to serving God we do it how he wants, when he wants, to who he wants and we don't ask why. Obedience is a major attribute of service; it stems from faith. In order to serve God effectively, we must obey God totally. Partial obedience is disobedience.

And I'll tell you this! Serving God is SO worth it!!! It doesn't cost you anything but it pays you SO much! Serving God is the path to success. Serving God is the path to honor. Serving God is the path to increase. You were created for a purpose and that purpose entails serving God and others, so get to work! 

So from now on, every morning when we wake up. Our first question should be, "What can I do for you today Lord?".

Confession: Heavenly Father, I thank you for saving me to serve you. Today I make up my mind to serve you by doing your Will for my life.

Prayer starter: Heavenly Father I come to you today asking that you reveal to me your Will for my life. I ask for wisdom to serve you as I ought. In Jesus' name, Amen!

You're blessed!


- Bunmi


Wait before you go:



1. If you have not received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, life won't make any sense, it will be cold and empty. You deserve more! Take a few minutes and click on the 'Come to Jesus' tab at the top of the page and be saved!


2. Please leave a comment below, I'd love to hear from you!


3. You can subscribe to this blog and receive email updates once a new post is published by entering your email address in the 'Follow by email' section located on the right of this post.

4. You can share this post or previous posts by clicking on the respective social media icon on the right.

5. Follow me on twitter @BunmiAdebiyi_


6. Like my page on facebook: Bunmi Adebiyi

7. Follow me on Instagram: destinationdestiny_mlmt

Different Paths

Hello Everyone!

I hope that you had a great weekend! And I pray that this week will be a prosperous one for you in Jesus' name!

In today's post, I continue my personal testimony. If you haven't read the previous posts, please click the "Destiny Steps" tab at the top of the page.

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During my time of confusion about my relationship with Raymond, I met some amazing people. And I started to adjust to my new environment. With all the emotional drama that I was experiencing with Raymond, I almost lost sight of the reason why I moved to Nigeria. While everything was new to me: the people, the culture, some of the food, etc.; I decided to make the best of it.

When I met Sarah, she helped me to refocus on the purpose of my relocating to Nigeria. Once a week every corper within a specific region meets up at the local NYSC office. We all had to join community development service (CDS) groups. I joined the charity CDS group and met quite a number of people that way; Sarah was one of them. I never noticed her prior to the day when she walked up to me and introduced herself.

One thing that stood out to me about her was that she was a natural beauty. She didn't have on any makeup or flashy jewelry or accessories; yet she was simply gorgeous. She asked for my name and we started a conversation. She mentioned that she'd seen me a few times at church. She went on to tell me that God told her some things about me. She said that God told her that I was in Ife for a reason and that I'd do great things during my time there. I was taken aback, I didn't know her but she spoke with so much certainty; I was convinced that she was telling the truth. However, at the back of my mind I wondered what she meant. What did I have to offer? Up until then, I was just going with the flow. Counting down the days until when NYSC would be over.

After meeting Sarah, those words never left me. I kept thinking what exactly I was supposed to be doing in Ife. Sarah and I became very close in a short period of time. One day during the prayer and fasting period, Sarah and I were talking and I told her about Raymond. I shared my concerns and told her how confused I was. Out of nowhere she said "God will NOT tell you to marry someone who drinks and smokes" (Disclaimer: Nothing against people who drink or smoke, but that Word was specific to me). Those words hit me like a ton of bricks; she said it with so much emotion and conviction. I felt like God was speaking to me through her. She went on to tell me about how her dad was a drunk and was abusive towards her mother while she was younger.

After that day, while relaxing on my bed and thinking about everything. In my heart, I asked God what I should do and this scripture dropped in my heart: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3 KJV. It hit me! There was no way that Raymond and I could make progress because we didn't agree about each other's lifestyles, religious beliefs, etc. We were on two different paths, on two different wavelengths, we didn't see eye to eye. There was no way that we could walk together; because marriage is indeed a walk. For a successful marriage, that walk has to be in sync between the husband and wife. I couldn't see him in my future; I didn't believe that he could lead me as the head of our home. That day, I made up my mind to end it.

To be continued...


You're blessed!


- Bunmi


Wait before you go:



1. If you have not received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, life won't make any sense, it will be cold and empty. You deserve more! Take a few minutes and click on the 'Come to Jesus' tab at the top of the page and be saved!


2. Please leave a comment below, I'd love to hear from you!


3. You can subscribe to this blog and receive email updates once a new post is published by entering your email address in the 'Follow by email' section located on the right of this post.

4. You can share this post or previous posts by clicking on the respective social media icon on the right.

5. Follow me on twitter @BunmiAdebiyi_


6. Like my page on facebook: Bunmi Adebiyi

7. Follow me on Instagram: destinationdestiny_mlmt

Destiny Testimonies: Victory at Last!

Hello Everyone!

Thank you for stopping by the blog today! Today I will be featuring another awesome testimony. Like, Share, Comment and be BLESSED!

Meet Jasmine Irving, isn't she beautiful? After reading her testimony, I was in tears. From a very early age she was violated by a loved one; that experienced had a lasting impact and affected her for years to come.




Here is her story:

Growing up was not easy. I always felt like the odd ball out and everyone made it known. I was brought up in a family where all we had was each other. My immediate family consisted of my brother and me with my mom and dad. The closest members of our family by blood lived all the way in Georgia. I wasn't good at making friends; but I was ok with that because I only wanted to be around my brother and his friends. As a kid I remember following my brother around everywhere.

One night I followed him as usual and ended up in bed with him and my god brother. It was like a slumber party. That night I chose to be one of the boys. My blood brother had already gone off into deep sleep when I suddenly discovered that my god brother was performing sexual acts on me, while I pretended to be asleep. I pretended to be asleep because I was young and scared. I was too scared to jump up and yell. I wasn't sure what the feeling was, I just knew that it felt nasty. So I cried quietly looking at my brother asleep on the other end of the bed, hoping he would wake up and tell me what to do. 

However, that moment never came. I continued to pretend that I was asleep, until I felt enough pain to move and startle my god brother; he quickly moved from off of me. I sat up as he was in the bathroom and cried silent tears trying to understand the act, which was sex. At first, I thought that maybe it was normal but something in my gut said "Get up Jazz". He came out of the bathroom and told me to go back to sleep, but I went to tell his mom instead. He followed me down the hall to defend his actions. Long story short, his mom and my godmother believed him and rushed my brother and me to meet my parents. They both insisted on a lie, they said that it was all a dream. 

Months passed and I got over the situation believing that maybe I was dreaming so we went back to their house week after week. Each visit was filled with tickles, grabs and touching by my god brother all in the wrong places. The grownups called it love and a connection that he had with me; which he also had with his other younger female cousins my age (there is an 8 year gap between him and I). While they enjoyed and encouraged his interaction with me, I just wanted to run away. 

I was confused and thought to myself "Is this what life is about?" I played the role and kept my mouth shut all the until the 7th grade. By this time, I was full blown numb. I had no sense of self-worth. I allowed myself to get bullied as long as it made the other classmates laugh. I never said NO!!

Fast forward to high school, I followed my brother’s footsteps and tried to be his protégé by joining the Junior ROTC program. I hung out with him after school and liked the same things he liked. Yes, I thought I could be a woman lover as well. I excelled in the army program, his dream not mines; but my grades were horrible. I was not focused on school work but was focused on being just like my brother. I was in and out of liking girls along with being promiscuous with guys. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Eventually, I graduated but just barely.

Back at home, my dad was the money maker and my mom made sure we had cooked dinner every night. We were in church every Sunday but my mind was not in the sermon. I started having relations during church service with one of the church members. We would sneak out during beak whenever we had to sing on youth Sundays. I started smoking weed and thought that I was cute. Now I was bold enough to admit that I liked females; it was what I thought made me get in cool with the guys. Time went on and I turned 20 but something in my spirit became visible to my parents, they knew that something wasn't right.

I ended up telling them for the first time through pictures and briefly written descriptions that my god brother raped me. And that I started liking females because I was confused. I sought help through therapy and my mother made sure I was covered in holy oil. By this time, I had one real relationship by this time it was not the best to set a standard; it was verbally abusive.

I was active in the dance ministry at church as well as an instructor of another dance troop with another church. I was living two different lives; trying to enjoy pleasure with the devil but being convicted by the spirit every time I danced. I was lost, even though I was teaching the girls not to fall into that category. As much as I was involved with the church, I was still missing the connection with a male and found myself not being able to balance my growth in life and relationships. But the relationships won so I quit teaching the dance troop to devote my time to a guy who didn't love me.

Time went on and I jumped in and out of relationships until I ended up pregnant with a married man; but miscarried the baby because I was stressed upon finding out that he didn't love me as I had anticipated. I took time off and thought I needed to "switch teams" so I sought love in a female coworker. We dated and her love seemed to be everything opposite of that of men. But my spirit told me that it wasn't right. I was able to leave her but had to quit my job in the process; I wanted to avoid her being disappointment in me leaving the relationship. 

I ended up falling deeper in sin and smoked every day and night, I missed rent payments, started seeking employment at strip clubs, hustling my talent to make change and then ended up in jail! Jail in Upper Marlboro, MD was not pretty; but God saw me through. In that season of my life, God needed me to be alone; in order for me to understand that I needed to slow down and focus on him. 

Jail was truly a wakeup call but when I got out, I went right back to the lifestyle I was trying to escape. The person, who is now my child's father, was not ready to stop smoking and had no job so I still needed to make money to provide for his habit and to keep him in my life. I was still not getting the picture that God was trying to paint for me. In jail, some of the girls told me to leave him before it was too late. I agreed but had no intention of doing so; I knew that he needed me. I was worshipping him more than Him (God).

My downward spiral was still in progress, but it was what I was used to so I dealt with it. Every once in a while I would realize that things weren't right with what I was doing but when you're in a controlling relationship, you aren't allowed to say NO. Whenever I tried to say no, I was called every name in the book. One day, I was kicked out of the car that we slept in; and in the next minute, I was broke because I gave him all my money. This relationship lasted for over a year and each day felt like a year taken off of my life. By the time I was mustering up the courage to leave, I found out that I was pregnant. 

Things didn't get any easier, as I am now in my 5th month of pregnancy. BUT GOD!!! is already showing himself mighty in this battle. He is building walls around my heart, giving me something to truly love and protect (my unborn daughter), opening doors of employment and giving me my life back. I have paid off more bills than I thought I could in a short period of time.

My parents are strict but my praying mother prayed for the right thing and God is not done with me yet. They are helping me along the way, knowing the journey will be hard but I am so glad that the gate keeper to my possibility in life is non-other than the Lord. He has given me a reason to say NO to hurt and NO to her dad. NO to being a doormat and NO to giving him money. I pray he gets better and I pray my journey only gets brighter. But thank God I don't look like what I've been through. I have a job, a car, a healthy growing baby in me, I am back in church and praising him like never before, I'm single but I am so happy that my blessing is on the way. 

I want to encourage someone that life is a story line of sad and unfortunate events that may steer you away from your promise of happiness, BUT GOD!!! won’t leave you there. He will use that mess and put you through a test to allow your testimony to be so powerful that even your enemies will change their ways. I am free from drugs, my record is being cleared, and I am not ashamed of what I went through. I have a purpose I am choosing to live life like I know it. God is good and after all that I've been through, I still have JOY!!!

I hope that you were blessed by that testimony, thanks for reading! If you'd like to share your testimony, send an email to destinationdestiny7@gmail.com. 

You're blessed!


- Bunmi


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