Emotional Roller Coaster

I and Daniel's relationship started beautiful, it was like a dream come true. He was romantic, caring, and generous but it all fizzled out shortly.

One word that sums up I and Daniel's relationship is...DRAMA!!!
We were up one day and down the next, calling it an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. I believe we both cared about each other but we weren't mature enough to be in a committed relationship at that time of our lives. He had personal struggles and so did I. We were both hurting and as the saying goes "hurt people hurt others". He had commitment and childhood issues and I had self esteem issues. 

At the beginning of our relationship we both agreed that we wouldn't have sex until we were married. We managed to abstain for about a year, but we eventually fell. Back then I felt horrible because I knew what God told me, I felt like a failure. But I've discovered that we fell because we relied on our own strength and didn't set boundaries. The kissing and touching will eventually lead to the act.

Shortly after we became intimate, our relationship started falling apart. We had too many issues to count. We just couldn't get along, we opened the door to the enemy and he was having a party. Our relationship became abusive (verbally & physically)on both ends. All of a sudden I wasn't good enough for him, I was too fat, couldn't dress, too shy, etc. He was once my prince charming but he turned into an arrogant, harsh, monster. I wasn't perfect neither.

We both felt guilty about being intimate and indirectly blamed one another. Half way through our relationship, we both rededicated our lives to Christ and became workers at our church. The Holy Spirit was convicting us of our misdeeds and we didn't know how to stop. We'd pray for forgiveness and fall again time without number. We felt terrible, we felt like we couldn't control ourselves. We were also ashamed and felt like we couldn't talk to anyone about it.

After struggling for so long we finally made a decision to stop. We managed to do so but by then the damage had already been done. We discovered that our relationship didn't have a solid foundation. After the sex stop, there was nothing to keep us going. We were bored in each other's presence, we didn't have the same goals, etc.

After breaking up and making up a few times, Daniel finally called things off. No matter how much I cried and begged he was done. After 3 and 1/2 years I felt betrayed, we were supposed to get married. I made up my mind to deal with his imperfections while secretly hoping that he'd change. I made up my mind to put up with the abuse. I made up my mind to settle for him because I thought he was as good as it gets. Well, thank God he broke up with me! What was I thinking?

Although it hurt so much and I hated the time period for so long, it turned out to be a major turning point in my life. Back then I thought my life was over, but when I look back now I rejoice because it was when my life actually began. It was the time that led to me fully committing myself to God.


You're blessed!

- Bunmi

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