Going in Circles

My desire for a relationship lingered. Various suitors came around but none of them measured up to the "man of my dreams". I didn't want to settle, after all I've been through I wanted to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship. I still thought about Daniel often, in the back of my mind he was my husband and he'd wake up one morning and realized that he made a huge mistake and come crawling back. Well that never happened.

I was shocked when I discovered that he had been in a number of relationships after the breakup,  some of them with people that I knew. I tried to move on but I was stuck, I thought it was love but it was an obsession, I had settled. I believed that he was God's best for me. 

Imagine my shock and excitement when he sent me a text message saying "I miss you" about two years after the breakup. I had to reread the message a few times to make sure that I was not dreaming. His number was no longer saved on my phone but I knew it by heart. I delayed replying his text for time so that I didn't appear "easy" or "unbusy". I'm not sure of how I responded now but that text message led to a series of conversations. These conversations eventually led to us hanging out. 

The first time he invited me over to his house, I drove about an hour and half to get there without thinking twice. He initially suggested 'breakfast in bed' but he'd soon discover that the weak-timid-easy Bunmi no longer existed. So I declined, he then said that he'd cook breakfast for me. I was excited because when we were together he did not know how to cook to save his life. When I arrived at his house, I was surprised that he actually made a delicious meal. He treated me like a queen, he served me, etc. We enjoyed each other's company, he seemed to have change or maybe it was a figment of my imagination. After a few hours, we said our goodbyes and exchanged a big hug. That hug lived on in my memory and gave me some hope.

Shortly after I discovered that he was actually in a relationship, I was heartbroken. But he kept contacting me and inviting to spend time with him. I asked him about the state of his relationship one day and he instantly got defensive, stating that he loved his girlfriend and all was well with his relationship. Yet when he was lonely or bored, he'd call me. And of course being unwise I'll go running to him, secretly hoping that he'd drop his girlfriend and choose me. The picture of us living happily ever after kept me going. Even though I saw things about him that concerned me, I was willing to deal with it. 

Our so-called relationship continued for a few months, there were no titles or strings attached. I'm not sure why I continually subjected myself to the torture but he led me on. One day we got into an argument while I was visiting him, I don't remember the details but I stormed out. During that visit he also tried to kiss me, but I was not having it. I wasn't going to fall, I've come to far. 

I went home that evening feeling annoyed and foolish. We stopped communicating for some time. However, we both went to Nigeria for Christmas a few months later and somehow got in touch. We agreed to meet at the mall, it was very brief and uneventful. We agreed to meet another time at a restaurant, I came with a few friends and he did the same. We chilled, talked, had drinks, and went our separate ways. 

I saw him a few days later at a wedding, to my astonishment he was with his girlfriend. I could not believe that he came to Nigeria with his girlfriend yet he was still contacting me. I was devastated through out the entire event, I couldn't enjoy myself. I felt like disappearing into thin air.

The next time we spoke I told him that he had to choose, I refused to be on 'side chick' status. It turned into a big argument, we went back and forth for hours. At one point I found myself practically begging him to choose me. I explained to him why I was the best option, etc. I told him that I was the one that could help him become a better man and fulfill his purpose. His response shocked me, he told me that he wanted me to prove that I was the better option. I asked him how and he indirectly told me that I had to have sex with him.

At that point, I lost it and told him that I didn't want to have anything to do with him any longer. I had prayed and made up my mind that I was not going to go into a new year with this confusion. I had finally let go, I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. I was done! He had me fooled once, he succeeded to fool me twice, I wasn't going to continue in this shameful mess, I deserved much better. As I said goodbye to that year and welcomed the new year, there was a glimpse of hope for me. A day before I left Nigeria I met someone new, he seemed perfect. He was tall, handsome, a Christian, and had a good job. I was ready for a change, I was ready for something new. 

You're blessed!


- Bunmi


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