"Puppy Love"

Welcome back!

Let's continue where we left off...

So I started getting attention from guys...I didn't know how to handle it at first, because I was extremely shy and like I said I had low self esteem.

But I welcomed it anyway, I could finally relate with my friends in reference to men.

So here I was in High School, at about the age of seventeen and I had my first "boyfriend". I can't recall his name now. 

We met while I was walking to school. He was a very good looking guy, he dressed very well. He attended a private school so he was actually wearing his uniform on the day I met him. He was with his father but that didn't stop him from "hollering" at me. His father even greeted me with a large smile on my face. I can't remember the details of our conversation, however we exchanged numbers.

Somehow he asked me out and I said yes, however I never saw him again. Our "relationship" only consisted of inconsistent phone calls that ended abruptly. No hard feelings at all!

A few months later, I met Mark, he was very tall 6'2, dark but not too handsome, he was from Guyana. The way that we met was interesting. I actually met his brother Randy first online via a chat room. Randy supposedly liked me and wanted a relationship but he seemed to be too busy. The first time we met offline was on Valentine's Day, we met at his place. He gave me a rose and my first kiss. 

After that day, he slowly and surely became MIA (missing in action). When I called his house phone Mark always picked up. Before you knew it, Mark and I spent hours on the phone and somehow became a couple.

Majority of our relationship was spent on the phone, only God knows what we spoke about. 

The High School that he attended was near mine, so he came around once in a blue with some friends to see me. His visits were about 10 minutes long, all we did was talk briefly and he'd walk me to the train station. Then we'd hug and say our goodbyes. I can count on one hand how many times we saw each other. I'm not sure when or how we parted ways...we never argued, he never upset me, he didn't break my heart. Somehow our communication just seized.

My next "boyfriend", was Emmanuel. I met him online also. He was the first guy that told me he loved me. In this relationship, I actually spent time with the guy physically. Except I always met him at his house. We never went out publicly except when we first met and I asked him to meet me in a public place. 

Emmanuel was very handsome, average height, light skin, and he had a way with words. His screen name in the AOL chat room was 'Smooth Criminal', please ask me why I didn't run away at first glance! 

Of course, spending time at his house alone was not wise. We spent time kissing and touching. After a while, I noticed that he stopped answering my phone calls. I'd call his cell phone and house phone but to no avail. His family was even in on it, they'd pick up and make up flimsy excuses. Eventually I gave up, but not without getting my heart broken. That relationship left a large hole in my heart for a long while. I eventually spoke to him months later and he stated that he ended the relationship because I didn't want to have sex with him.

I was petrified of sex. It was all around me but I dare not bring myself to 'doing it'. I'm not sure of what scared me the most, my parents finding out or the thought of God striking me down with lighting. Thankfully, I managed to graduated from High School a virgin, despite the temptations that surrounded me. 

However there were secret struggles that I had. I was very curious and my imagination was uncontrollable. I also read a lot of romance novels. 


Even though I wasn't sexually involved with anyone, what I was exposed to during conversations with friends at school, the novels, the Internet, etc were all sowing seeds. What started as innocent curiosity before high school turned into a devasting cycle that continued for a long while...I'll share more details in a later post.

After my first heart break, I didn't get into another "relationship" for sometime. However, I continued to chat with guys online and met two of them once respectively, of course the wanted sex but I didn't budge. By the way, what was I thinking? How unsafe! Thank God for protection in the midst of my ignorance. Truth be told, I didn't go online searching for men. Chatting in chat rooms was common then (Who remembers ASL?...age, sex, & location). I discovered that I was able to express myself better in writing. In the cyber world, I didn't have to worry about what I looked like...so it was a piece of cake for me.

Next stop...COLLEGE!

You're blessed!

-Bunmi

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