Red Flags

When we landed in America, it was bitter sweet for my sister and I. We were glad to be reunited with our siblings and father but we missed Lagos. Funny enough, some of the things that I complained about was what I missed.We missed the vibrant Christmas lights that lined the streets, we missed the yummy fresh food, we missed the holiday spirit that filled the air, we missed the weather, we missed the people...we missed it all.

The cold slapped us square in the face. We were not looking forward to wearing our winter gear again. I quickly ran in the car for warmth, my sandals and maxi dress were not fit for New York's freezing weather. On our ride home from airport we couldn't stop gushing about how much fun we had. I'm sure my dad and siblings want us to shut up after a while. 

We rang in the New Year with our family and then my immediate younger sister and I headed back to Maryland a few days after. As I began to make New Year's plans and set goals, I kept getting an urge to pray about what to do next. I was set to graduate with my Master's degree in the next few months, I had to start making moves.

***

Raymond and I spoke every day. We either called each other or chatted on bbm. I looked forward to speaking with him everyday. He never came out and made his intentions known but he'd drop hints here and there. He would talk about wanting to settle down and get married soon, and tell me how much he liked me as a person, etc.

I liked him also, but I couldn't get over the fact that he partied, smoked, and drank. I knew about the drinking during our outing but he later told me about the smoking and partying. I didn't know how to deal with it because I didn't want to be judgmental and I believed that anyone could change. But I've been there and done that (minus the smoking) and I was not feeling it. As my feelings grew stronger for him I kept reassuring myself that he was a Christian and that he was a worker/volunteer at his church so that gave me a little peace. I had hope that he'd come to his senses and change. 

Two months down the line, we were talking while he was on vacation in the United Kingdom. He was raving about how much fun he had the night before. I told him to elaborate, he went on to say that he went to a club and there were drinks flowing, girls around, and good music. I was a bit shocked because he told me that the smoking, drinking, and parting were "occasional" he claimed that he was a "social drinker". Please ask me why I believed that??? Hmmm....emotions can cloud one's judgement big time! I got carried away because he was the first guy to catch my attention after the breakup with Daniel.

After he went on and on about his night out on the town, I told him that I had to get off the phone. A few minutes later, I sent him and message stating that I couldn't talk to him any longer. I told him that we had become very close and I was not sure of his intentions, but if he wanted to ever be more than friends it would not work because I didn't agree with his lifestyle.

I caught him off guard with that message. He pleaded with me, he told me that he was willing to change and that he needed my help. He said that he believed we met each other for that reason. But I didn't have any peace about it, something just didn't feel right. I told him that I'd have to cut him off for a few days to pray and fast about it. I need some space. He agreed and said he'd do the same.

I spent the next three days praying, fasting, studying the Word. I was very open and honest with God. I told him that I liked Raymond and had feelings for him but wanted to get it right this time. The very first day I felt no peace at all. I was full of fear, my heart was literally beating fast. I kept praying for clarity. The next day, I was less afraid and I took it as a maybe-he-is-the-one feeling. He also contacted me on this day saying that he missed me and hasn't been able to focus since we last spoke, he also sent me a picture with him looking extremely sad. I told him that he'd be okay and that we'd speak the next day.

On the very last day of the fast, I woke up to numerous bb messages from a friend. She asked a whole bunch of questions that shocked me. She asked if I knew a guy named Raymond. She asked if I was currently fasting about being in a relationship with him. She also asked if he was currently in the UK. I answered yes and she said, "Girl, I don't know what kind of prayers you've been praying but God has answered you!" 

At this point I was interested in finding out how she knew everything. She further went on to tell me that an old school mate contacted via facebook and asked her if she knew me since we were all mutual friends on facebook. When she told her yes, the girl went on to tell her a story that went something like this.

Raymond and her met at her friend's wedding. She was the maid of honor and he was the best man. They had been in a relationship since October of the past year (it was February). She said that he was presently visiting her for her birthday/valentine's day. She said that he was even staying at her place. She told my friend that she found out about me when he left his email opened one day. He had saved all the chats that I had with him to his email. She read through them all and she was heart broken. She wanted my friend to warn me and ask if it was okay if myself and her spoke.

At first, I thought I was dreaming...after all I just woke up a few minutes ago. It sounded like something out of a movie. Did I just get played??? I agreed to talk to the girl and she told me the same things. She went further to tell me that he started acting funny earlier that year when she told him that her visa had expired and that she would be returning to Nigeria soon. She said that he came to the UK to be with her but they were not getting along, they got into an argument and he stormed out the night before. She said she found it weird that he kept asking how he could get a job in the UK, etc. She told me that she was the one that paid for his visa to come, she said that at a point he was trying to have her buy his plane ticket but she had to put her foot down. 

She went on to substantiate her points by sending me pictures of the two of them. This guy was a serious crook. He had sent me some of the same pictures earlier but he cropped her out of them. I thanked her and said goodbye. I sat in bed and contemplated everything that happened. I called one of my mentors before I started the fast to explain my dilemma to him. He was busy and said he'd get back to me. I tried calling again but he was not available.

Hmmm...what do I do?


You're blessed!


- Bunmi


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