Didn't God Prepare You For This?

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Hello everyone,

It has been a long while and I've sincerely missed this space.
So much has been happening since I lasted posted. But through it all, God has been
good to my family and I!

One of the latest blessings that God has bestowed upon us, is a beautiful baby girl. One Word that describes the process from pregnancy to delivery is GRACE! I will share her story on this blog in the near future.

So I am officially a mother of two! Whoa, it still feels like a dream at times....that is until my precious newborn wakes me up in the middle of the night for yet another feeding or cuddling session...then I know that it is absolutely not a dream but it is REAL!!! *smiles*

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In my last post I continued my testimony on my journey to marriage/ministry, I will continue in this post.

Stay tuned!

You can read precious posts by clicking the 'How I Met My Husband' label.
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Adjusting from being a church member who was still trying to learn the "ropes" to becoming a pastor in such a short amount of time was an interesting experience to say the least. I was also in the process of transitioning from fiance to wife at the same time and planning a big wedding; mind you our courtship was also short (we got married within six months of meeting each other). So there was so much going on at the same time, I was good at juggling it all on some days; however on other days, I was overwhelmed and TIRED!!! Playing so many roles and wearing so many hats at once was intense...In fact, it was beyond intense!

I remember feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed one day after traveling back to Ife from Akure. I turned to one of the young ladies that used to come along and assist us and said, "I am tired!" Her response was epic, she said "Didn't God prepare you for this?" I was rendered speechless, I just nodded and kept it moving. But those words haunted me, it arrested me. I just couldn't complain, indeed God has been preparing me for 'this' for years...I just didn't know what 'this' was going to be.

As I've stated previously on this blog, I naturally do not like the spotlight; I prefer to be behind the scenes. However becoming a pastor left me with no option. I found myself having to speak in front people, counsel people, visit people, preach to people, etc. And of course, I stuck out like a sore thumb. My accent always gave me away, add my dressing and entire 'look' to the equation...and it didn't take long for anyone to realize that I wasn't from Akure.

Here I was, having to adjust to a new environment and set of people. I thought that Ife was 'bad' however Akure was more 'rural' than Ife. I struggled with the thoughts of fitting in or being accepted, but I knew that God sent us to Akure so I sucked it up and kept on going.

I had to ignore the numerous looks... ranging from annoyance to amazement when I picked up the microphone to speak. Some people may have thought I was 'faking it' while others were excited to hear someone speak 'American English'. I never focused on anyone in particular with the fear of being tempted to analyze and determine the purpose behind their stares. I often focused on an object at the rear of the sanctuary and did what I had to do. My primary task that involved speaking in the beginning was to make announcements; I later found myself leading prayer meetings and before long, I was preaching my first message!

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One thing that I discovered early was that being a pastor coupled with being a pastor's wife could be very lonely. Prior to becoming engaged, I had a few friends and a number of associates. However those relationships began to dwindle when I found it difficult to make time to nurture them.

I was very lonely! The congregation members and our assistants looked up to us so much. I slowly saw my playful and more social side diminishing. I had to be 'prim and proper ', all eyes were on me...people were looking up to me as a spiritual role model among other things. And the pressure was intense.

It was tough, I felt like I couldn't be myself. I had fought for so long to be comfortable in my own skin. Here I was, feeling that being 'myself' wasn't acceptable for this new role. I felt like I was being scrutinized left-right-and-center...I even had to watch the way I related to my fiance. I remember one day while at church, I was seating next to him and I leaned over to clean something off of his face. He drew back at the speed of light; I was beyond embarrassed. He later explained that he did not want church members getting the wrong impression since we weren't married yet. I didn't get it but I obliged him... all 'for the sake of the ministry'.


So I had to ask myself: Was I Really Prepared For This???


To be continued...


You are blessed!


- Bunmi


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